Choosing to go natural involves breaking away from the exacting expectations of her mother Paulette (the wonderful Lynn Whitfield), whose obsession with appearances has dominated Violet's life forever. Mother-daughter bonding involved Paulette straightening Violet's hair at the kitchen table. Violet is now an advertising executive, living with a gorgeous doctor named Clint (Ricky Whittle), whom she hopes will pop the question soon. Everything is lined up in accordance with Paulette's wishes for her daughter, and Violet's wishes for herself. When Clint fails to propose, Violet calls him on it, and he tells her she's too concerned with being perfect, and—more brutally—"Being in a relationship with you is like being on a two-year first date." You can see what he's talking about, though, and you can also see what it costs her. Even during sex, she is concerned he will mess up her hair.
After Violet and Clint break up, she pendulums from rage to hurt to fear, each phase reflected in a new hairstyle (the film is broken up into different "chapters": "Straightened," "Weave," "Blonde," etc.) She throws a tantrum in a hair salon, getting the attention of the owner Will (Lyriq Bent) and Will's young daughter, Zoe (Daria Johns). Zoe is an independent young girl with natural hair, who sees right through Violet. She speaks her mind. Violet is so used to living in a world that rewards her for straightened hair she's not sure how to deal with people who don't care, who encourage her not to care. Violet's entire identity cracks apart. Paulette is there to remind her of her obligations, to make it work with Clint, to maintain perfection. No wonder Violet is a late-bloomer.
Years ago, an editor at Glamour gave a presentation at a New York law firm called the "Dos and Don'ts of Corporate Fashion," in which she told African-American women to avoid "political" hairstyles in the office ("political" meaning natural hair, and, God forbid, dreadlocks). (Jezebel covered the controversy heavily.) "Nappily Ever After" is a strong reminder of what straightened hair "signals." When Violet struts across a plaza to work, hair flowing in the breeze, she is rewarded with appreciative looks and double-takes from men. Once her straightened hair is gone, nobody looks at her. "Nappily Ever After" attacks this attitude from all sides. After she drunkenly shaves her hair off (in an extraordinary scene), she is invited by a well-meaning woman to attend a cancer support group. Hair, or lack thereof, is fraught with meaning.
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