To provide backstory on Lumpy, "Best Man Down" introduces us to the mysterious name in Lumpy's phone, a 15-year-old girl named Ramsey Anderson (Addison Timlin). She's surrounded by meth culture stereotypes played by Frances O'Connor and Evan Jones. Jones's character serves as the obligatory element of danger, brandishing a gun and barging into Ramsey's room clad just in his underwear. I was confused as to the relationship between Ramsey and her Mom's paramour, and "Best Man Down" can't support the implications it creates. These scenes belong in an entirely different movie, one that might air on Lifetime with a title like "Mother, May I Make Meth With Your Man?" How Lumpy and Ramsey are related I'll leave you to discover, but "Best Man Down" needs both flashbacks and a big speech to explain it.
"Best Man Down" has enough familiar actors to generate viewer interest, but I wonder what they saw in this screenplay. Lumpy is supposed to be Scott's best friend since junior high, but It's clear Scott knows not one of the details best friends would know about each other. As he learns more and more ominous things about Lumpy, Scott reacts in annoying, whiny waves of denial. Long is unconvincing as Scott, but nowhere near as bad as his fellow-surnamed actor, Shelley Long.
As Scott's mother-in-law, Shelley Long portrays an embarrassing mother stereotype prone to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The film looks at her with the same disdain it reserves for Jones's meth dealer. Clad in glasses that look obtained from a pimp's optician, Long rambles on about how her daughter can sue the hotel for providing Lumpy with the alcohol that supposedly led to his demise. She also kicks off an argument between the married couple that may be the worst use of product placement I have ever seen. Mrs. Dash, if you paid for this, you deserve a refund.
"Best Man Down" would have been a much better feature had Koland simply told his story with all the familiar trimmings we've come to expect. The familiar doesn't automatically translate into bad filmmaking. Instead, the extraneous subplots and characters serve solely as unsuccessful means of distinguishing the film from its similar subject brethren. They all clash against each other, repeatedly shifting the film's tone.
"Best Man Down" ends with a huge speech that explains everything, a speech that could have been given 20 minutes into the film. Had Ramsey been this forthcoming when she met Scott and Kristin, it would have saved the characters, and us, a lot of wasted time.
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